if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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