we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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