Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
