The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
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I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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