I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
