Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
