i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.