I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
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booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
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oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella