I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok