Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off