I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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