weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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