Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
