Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
