Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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