We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
