what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
