I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
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do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
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Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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