i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
