I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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