I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
