You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There r osticjed everywhere
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
