ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
