Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
