theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
