i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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