Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
