She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
