so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
