I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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