I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
