I want you more than these girls want KFC
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
