he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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