Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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