Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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