You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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