yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
