Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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