Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
