She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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