Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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