he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
