I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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