Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
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