Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
