You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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