my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
