Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
