My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
