the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
