like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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