Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
