alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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