I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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