There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
