it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I am one with the molecules
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
