Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize