fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
