i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
