conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize