I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
