i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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