I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
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Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
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Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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