My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
you never un-have a 4some
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
